Dave,
Great question and as a long-time alpinist and relatively-new-father (My boy is 27 months as I write this) I can empathize. But let me back up.
In 2010 I had a bad accident while climbing a ‘warm-up’ route (for me at that time) in the Canadian Rockies. I fell 25 meter and barely escaped with my life. While waiting for the heli to save my bacon I had a couple of hours to reflect on my life…and those two hours change my life probably more than any other 2 hours…
I’m not saying you should go pitch yourself off a cliff. But what I am suggesting is that what you’re talking about boils down to a question of priorities. And it is feasible that you could sit down with a pad and pen–or a good friend if you’re more the talker than a writer–and a promise to yourself to ‘tell the whole truth’ and name your priorities. Write ’em down; list ’em out in black and white.
Then, once you’ve done that, imagine that you are breathing your dying breath. At that moment. Right then. What would you be proud of? What would you wish you had done more of? Less of? If that was your last day would you have actually lived your priorities. Again, write it all down. And again, no lying/fibbing/squirming/fudging. Be bold and be clear. This is your life we’re talking about. Put it in black and white. Paper and pen.
Then, once you’ve done that. Write out your “new” priorities if you were to have a second chance at life. I think for most of us–and certainly for me–those two lists would not have been the same had I been able to be totally honest with myself.
We’re talking about a process of aligning your goals with your values. Here is something I wrote about that for new year’s 2018:
Know Thyself
Going back to your original question. I find that for me, and I’ve had some great discussions with Bruno about this as well so I know I’m not alone here, that this ‘higher-level’ decision solves a lot of the lower-level dilemmas. I can simply look at my values and that gives me the answer. The trick is having a really really good idea of what my values are and understanding deeply, that these values will cast the decisions I make on a daily, hourly, momentary, level.
A big part of my realization in 2010 was that I was happy with what I’d done with climbing. I’d not accomplished everything, but I had accomplished a lot. And that if i had died that day–March 25, 2010–a day I consider to be more important than my birthday, what I would have regretted not having a family, not raising a good kid, not having able to establish/maintain a good and rewarding marital relationship, not doing something positive for my community. I don’t climb nearly as much as I used to. I completely stopped soloing. I reduced the risk I take in many ways. I still climb. But I spend more time climbing on my garage wall than I do my local mountains because that way I can be there to play in the yard with my son when he wakes up from his nap. And that’s something I definitely don’t want to die without experiencing.
One more thing: I really enjoyed Ray Dalio’s “Principles” book. If you don’t want to dive into a 500-page book, here is a clever video series that is much shorter:
https://www.principles.com/principles-for-success/
Good luck on your journey.
Steve