Thank you Mariner9 for taking the time to read my story and for your well wishes:)
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with OCD and ADHD, and for your advice. A lot of what you said has really resonated with me, especially of learning to live with it, and still engaging with the life you want to live as best you can. Often I feel like I’m fighting so hard to get rid of these thoughts, when now in therapy I’m realizing I need to be able to sit with them and not try to push them away or argue and engage with them. With my particular obsessive thoughts, I’m now trying to have the mindset of “Yes, I’m aware of how my legs are moving, yes it doesn’t feel right, and yes I may get injured. But I can accept these thoughts and feelings, and not compulsively try to correct them or figure them out”.
I also resonate with your comment on judging yourself based on your outward appearance of “success”. Especially last year I was so focused on getting my mileage in (my meter for success), that I kept pushing down the feeling of how truly miserable I was. Although I love putting in lots of miles and accomplishing physical feats (as I’m sure all of us on this forum do), that’s not the reason I love running and being outside. But I convinced myself for months that as long as I was still performing well, I was ok. It wasn’t until this issue really started to affect my physical performance, that I realized I needed more help. I think it’s an important perspective for everyone regardless of having a mental health issue or not, that being “successful” (by whatever metric you measure that) isn’t the only thing that matters, and often times success does not directly correlate to happiness. In 2020 my longest run was only 17 miles, compared to 34 last year. So yes, I was more successful in my running endeavors last year, but I was much less happy, and if possible, I would’ve gladly traded in some of those miles for a more enjoyable and happier experience.
Thank you for sharing your story Bruno, it was very helpful to be able to hear your advice, and that there are others in this community who also deal with mental health issues. I wish you the best in your journey and endeavors!